I’ll be the first to admit it… as a teacher, I’m not always the worlds best listener. Not that this is any form of excuse, but, I think I’m so used to being the one giving instructions that I often struggle to be directed by someone else.
My lack of listening often gets me into trouble, both in my everyday life and as a dog trainer. I won’t go into too many details about the personal stuff… although, those of you who know me in person probably have a hundred examples of times I’ve put myself to shame in this regard!
What I want to dig into here is how our ability to listen (or lack of) impacts so much of what we do as dog trainers. Listening affects the quality of our training, especially in group training environments. It affects our ability to effectively communicate with our dogs. And, by extension, it affects the quality of our working relationships with our dogs.
Here goes…
What is Listening?
Generally speaking, people tend to think that we, as a species, are good listeners. After ten years in the classroom, I can dispel this myth unequivocally! We are terrible listeners. Made worse by the fact that we think we’re great at it. Sigh.
We all understand that listening is an essential part of any effective communication. One person talks, and the other listens. It seems so simple! But listening and hearing are not the same thing.
In my mind, hearing is when we pause just long enough for someone to share an idea before jumping in with our rebuttal or thoughts…. often without actually having thought about what they’ve said at all. We are too busy, while they’re talking, trying to think of how we’re going to respond that we end up missing the main points of their argument. I’m being totally honest here. I’ve definitely been guilty of doing this. I’ve also been on the receiving end, too. For me, conversations like this are exhausting!
By comparison, listening looks and feels a little different. It’s a more engaged process. It feels balanced. People take turns to talk. And when it’s not your turn, you hear what someone has to say. There can be long moments where you pause to think and to reflect on what’s been said before responding.
When you truly listen, conversations seem to happen in slow motion. Discussion points have a logical flow, and you feel like you reach some level of clarity by the end of it.
You might be thinking, “what the bloody hell is she going on so much about listening for? I came here for the dog yarns, not a lecture on the lack of listening in modern society!?”.
Fair point… and I’m getting to that.
Listening as a Dog Trainer
As dog trainers, we often discuss our training with other trainers. And what a valuable resource! The problem is, that most of us, myself included, are guilty of hearing, not listening.
Until recently, I wasn’t really able to articulate why I’ve found listening so hard. I’ve come to understand that it’s because listening can only work when two assumptions are true:
Assumption One: You have to want to hear it.
Listening has to start with openness. You have to want to hear what the other person is saying, without just waiting for your turn to speak. This sounds obvious, but it’s often where things come unstuck.
We ask for feedback or advice on our training, but what we’re really after is reassurance that we’re doing things right. When someone gives us an honest comment or critique, that doesn’t match the story that we’ve already told ourselves, we get defensive or tune out. I’ve done it… we all do.
Assumption Two: You have to make space for it.
Even if you’re open to hearing someone out, listening still takes humility… and time.
You have to resist the urge to respond straight away. You have to sit in the discomfort of a critique and digest how it makes you feel. What follow-up questions does it trigger? Could there be some merit in what they’re saying? Is this something you knew was potentially an issue, but you chose to ignore it?
This isn’t an easy process. That’s some higher level cognitive functioning! It’s a skill that we all need to practice.
When those two assumptions are missing, we will only ever hear. The words will go in, but they won’t land with any sort of meaningful impact. Only when we want to hear, and we make space for hearing can we say that we are truly listening.
Listening as a Dog Handler
You might be wondering what all this talk of listening has to do with dog handling… Well, the truth is, everything!
The way we listen to people is often the same way we listen to our dogs. If we are only hearing, or half-listening, waiting for our turn to jump in or filtering everything through a lens of what we already believe to be true, then it’s likely that we’re going to miss most of the conversation our dogs are trying to have with us.
A good dog handler not only watches their dog, they listen to them. They pay attention to the moments between moments. They listen out for the little voice that says “I don’t quite understand” or “I need a second”.
And, like with people, you will only hear this conversation when you’re open to hearing it and humble enough to really pay attention to what’s being said.
What I’ve Learned from Listening to Hail
It’s taken me a long time to own up to being a crappy listener. At times, that’s cost me my peace of mind, my time, and my relationship with my dog. Hence why I am now making a concerted effort to practice being a better listener.
What I have learned is that listening is quite a disciplined pursuit.
It can be really hard to fight the urge to just blurt out what’s on your mind. I think I’m getting better at this as a trainer, but I definitely need to keep working on it as a handler. I have been guilty of jumping in too soon with my own interpretation of things, instead of taking the time to listen to what she’s telling me.
Lining to the pile, or sending Hail to a pile of bumpers, is the clearest example of this that springs to mind. She hates it. She’s always hated it. She’s not the kind of dog that you can do 20 reps with. In fact, she used to be a two rep dog! Over time I have built her up, but I also seem to forget that all too often, too.
Even as recently as last week, I went out to train with her and her attitude on this particular drill was poor. Instead of listening to her telling me, once again, that she thinks the drill is as boring as batshit, I pushed on. Surprise, surprise… it was a disaster!
If I’d have listened, if I had just heard her say “this drill just isn’t fun or rewarding for me”, I might have saved the session and our relationship that day. It would have been easy to do! I could have thrown a bumper into the pile or rewarded her with a treat after she’d done a retrieve… But I wasn’t ready to hear it, and I certainly didn’t have space for it at the time.
What I’m finally starting to grasp isn’t passive, its a skill. It’s choosing to pause before reacting. It’s choosing curiosity over ego. It’s about catching those tiny moments that Hail gives me that say we need to change tact here, instead of ploughing through with the training because that’s the way I had planned the session in my head.
The more I practice it, the more I’m starting to realise that dogs are overly generous with their communication. They’re telling us what they need all the time. It’s just that most of the time, we’re in too much of a rush to hear it.
I know I won’t always get it right. But, when I do, our training becomes calmer and more connected. That feels like a good foundation to keep improving from.
Field Notes & Follies 
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